Tuna, celery, and laxatives. What do these three objects have in common? They are my father’s current diet. As part of the normal regimine of the army every soldier is required to take a PT test twice or three times a year. This is supposed to see if the soldier is at an acceptable weight and at the par for physical fitness. Over the past couple of years this test has my father’s Darth Vader or Darth Sidius, depending if you prefer the first 3 or last 3 episodes.
He sits at the head of the table like Louis XVI with all of his velvet and goose head, minus the wig, and demands for food to be passed to him all year long and then a week before the test something hits him. I am unaware if it is his left or right boob but something definately hits him and makes him realize that he needs to lose weight in order to pass the test. A former tri-athelete, he has the 2mile run down without even training, and is human, therefore having the push-up and sit-up portion of the exam done too. The only problem is the wieght section. HE realizes that he must lose 15, ocasionally 20 pounds in a week and a half.
Our normal family dinners go down the drain, along with the ice cream and cookie dough. Every dinner now consists of an amphibian from creeks here or Alaska and green sticks that make a crunching noise when consumed like that of a Kit-Kat bar in recent commercials; celery.
The point I am trying to get to is that I am very hungry and am in need of some food. Preferably foods that are not whole-grained, low fat, or organic. Just a small request.